My WordPress Blog
Not many of us have ever experienced the kind of isolation that this COVID-19 pandemic has brought about. While quarantine for some has been a welcomed break from the hustle and bustle of life and a chance to spend more quality time with the family, for others it has been an incredibly lonely experience away […]
Not many of us have ever experienced the kind of isolation that this COVID-19 pandemic has brought about. While quarantine for some has been a welcomed break from the hustle and bustle of life and a chance to spend more quality time with the family, for others it has been an incredibly lonely experience away from coworkers, friends, and those they love and need most.
In addition, and to make matters worse, loneliness can make managing stress more difficult. And let’s be honest, we are all surrounded by stress these days from worrying about when the world will open up again, when we can start working and earning a living and when life will get back to normal.
Sadly, during times like these, many people turn to alcohol and other substances as a way to cope with stress and loneliness. But there are healthier ways you can fight it.
During this time it’s important to create a plan to safely stay in regular contact with family and friends. If you are an older person, be sure to confirm who you can reach out to if you need help getting food, medications, and other supplies.
While many of us still cannot be in the same space as our loved ones, we are very lucky we live in a time when phones and digital technology can help us all stay connected. Be sure to schedule regular phone calls and online video chats using apps like Skype or FaceTime.
Most of us, at some point in our life, lose touch with friends and acquaintances we once shared our lives with. Now is the perfect time to reconnect. And social media makes it very easy to find someone you may have lost contact with years ago.
During this pandemic, many counselors and therapists are helping clients via telehealth services. This means instead of going into a therapist’s office, you can speak to them on the phone or over a video conference. A therapist can help you navigate this forced isolation and offer coping strategies to get you through.
If you or someone you love is having a difficult time dealing with loneliness right now, please reach out to me. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
SOURCES:
The topic of self-care is one that has been discussed openly and often over the past decade. But for many, the concept of self-care is one that is still a bit mysterious, if not downright confusing. What Is Self-Care? First, self-care is a practice and a commitment we make to ourselves. It is any activity […]
The topic of self-care is one that has been discussed openly and often over the past decade. But for many, the concept of self-care is one that is still a bit mysterious, if not downright confusing.
First, self-care is a practice and a commitment we make to ourselves. It is any activity we do deliberately to support our physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Not only does the right kind of self-care improve our health and life, but it can also improve the relationships we have with others.
Some examples of self-care might be:
Self-care isn’t always fun or easy, but you do it anyway because you know that the activity is what is BEST for you. In this way, self-care is a bit like acting as your own parent, making sure you do the things you don’t necessarily feel like doing because it is what your mind, body, and spirit need.
Self-care isn’t necessarily about making yourself feel better.
Person A has had a very bad day. They practice proper self-care and, when they get home, they change clothes, go for a 3-mile run, then cook a healthy dinner that refuels their body.
Person B has also had a very bad day and practices phony self-care. On their way home, person B stops at the store and gets a 6-pack of beer and a gallon of ice cream, then spends the entire night on the sofa drinking and eating poorly in an attempt to make the bad day go away.
This phony style of self-care is very immature. It is not parental but something a child does. If the parent insists you eat your veggies because they are good for you, the child will eat only candy bars when the parent isn’t looking.
Self-care is about making decisions based on what is good for you, not what you FEEL like doing at the moment.
Self-care should also not be confused with pampering. While there is nothing wrong with getting massages and pedicures, these again tend to be quick fixes we give ourselves to make ourselves feel better in the moment.
At the end of the day, self-care is a commitment to yourself to live, grow, and evolve in healthy ways. It means making choices that will lead to your best self and greatest potential.
SOURCES:
The economy in this country has been on a downward trajectory for decades now. As inflation has risen and the dollar has lost more of its value and buying power over the years, more households have required both adults to bring in an income. This, of course, means there are very few households that can […]
The economy in this country has been on a downward trajectory for decades now. As inflation has risen and the dollar has lost more of its value and buying power over the years, more households have required both adults to bring in an income. This, of course, means there are very few households that can afford to have a sole breadwinner any longer.
Traditionally, the man has been the breadwinner in the family. While this topic can get a bit heated at times, depending on the circles in which it’s discussed, the truth is that in human history, men have been responsible for protecting and providing for the family while women have been responsible for raising the children and managing the home. It has always been a part of our nature until very, very recently. You could say these roles are even natural to the human species at this point because these are the roles men and women have played for hundreds of thousands of years of our development.
So, when in the last few decades the economy has begun to tank and there has been a great push for women to join the workforce, we can now find many households where the man is NOT the sole breadwinner. In fact, according to data from the Pew Research Center, women now make up roughly 47% of the workforce in this country, which is up from 30% in 1950. And a growing number of women in heterosexual couples (31%) are the main (or only) breadwinners in their families (Geiger & Parker, 2018).
This change has left a lot of men struggling with their identity and role in society and the family unit. These feelings of insignificance, if not attended to, can lead to anxiety and depression.
What’s worse is that men are often told that these traditional roles are a part of the old patriarchal paradigm, a system that was created to oppress women for centuries. They are told that they should be celebrating the shift and if they don’t, then they are part of the problem.
That’s hardly fair to the vast majority of men, who are good and loving people who only want to support and take care of the family they love in the best way, and often the only way, they know how: by providing for them.
If you are a man that is suffering from depression or anxiety because you are not the sole breadwinner of your family, and maybe also not the one who earns the most, understand that it is normal, natural, and perfectly okay for you to be struggling right now.
It is also 100% okay for you to want to speak to someone about what’s going on. Men tend to not be the ones who seek therapy although they are often the ones who are hurting the most.
Please understand that it’s okay for you to need to reach out to others from time-to-time to get help for whatever issues and emotions you may be struggling with. In my practice, no one is judged. I offer a safe environment for men to work through whatever may be bothering you.
If you would like to explore treatment options, please get in touch with me. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
SOURCES:
Humans are social creatures and we don’t do well in isolation. That’s exactly why state penitentiaries punish prisoners by putting them into solitary confinement. It causes them great mental anguish. Many of us have felt like prisoners in solitary confinement over the last couple of months because of the COVID-19 pandemic and subsequent lockdown. And […]
Humans are social creatures and we don’t do well in isolation. That’s exactly why state penitentiaries punish prisoners by putting them into solitary confinement. It causes them great mental anguish.
Many of us have felt like prisoners in solitary confinement over the last couple of months because of the COVID-19 pandemic and subsequent lockdown. And many of us have been feeling our own mental anguish from this extended isolation.
Who knows how long this may go on? While none of us have control over what our governments do, we do have control over ourselves and our perceptions of the world. With this in mind, here are some tips for coping with social isolation, for however long it goes on.
If you’re paying attention, it almost seems as if the media is trying to confuse us and cause panic more than report on actual news. Watching too much news doesn’t help anyone’s anxiety levels, so stay informed as best you can but don’t binge-watch.
Being isolated can get very boring very quickly so it’s important that you try and get creative with your time. This could mean painting the living room and rearranging the furniture or getting your husband and kids to learn a new language with you. It could mean experimenting with an old recipe or making up a game with your kids. Just have fun and think outside the box!
Now is a great time to reconnect with friends and loved ones you haven’t spoken to in a while. And technology like Skype and Facetime makes it incredibly easy to chat with someone no matter where in the word they are.
A lot of the anxiety we may feel comes from the fact we aren’t moving our bodies as much as we usually do. It’s important to stay physically active during this time. So get outside and get some sun. Go for a walk or ride your bike. Not only is exercise good for us physically, but physical activity releases endorphins that make us feel good mentally and emotionally as well.
The world is a chaotic place right now and it seems we are being hit with noise and negativity from all sides. It’s important to make time each day for some quiet meditation.
If you’ve never meditated before, that’s okay. Just try it.
One of the easiest ways to meditate is through a listening meditation. Find a space in your house where you can be alone and get into a comfortable position. Close your eyes and breathe deeply in and out… and simply listen to the ambient sounds.
What do you hear? The buzzing of a light? A fly? Your dog’s collar rattling down the hall as he scratches. Expand your hearing to see what else can you hear outside your house. Birds? Lawnmowers? Traffic?
Simply breathe and listen intently for 5-10 minutes. When you listen, you can’t think at the same time, and so you will notice finally your thoughts go quiet. This is paradise!
If you find that the social isolation is really beginning to trouble you and you’d like to speak with someone, please get in touch. I would be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
SOURCES:
How many mornings have you shut off that alarm, wishing you could just work from home in your PJs? Well now many of us are getting our wish thanks to COVID-19. While in theory working from home may seem ideal, the reality for many of us is that it’s, well, kind of a pain. Particularly […]
How many mornings have you shut off that alarm, wishing you could just work from home in your PJs? Well now many of us are getting our wish thanks to COVID-19.
While in theory working from home may seem ideal, the reality for many of us is that it’s, well, kind of a pain. Particularly if you have young children home from school that you now have to teach while still keeping productive at work.
The fact is, this sudden and unexpected disruption to our daily lives has many of us feeling stressed!
Here are some ways you can cope with working from home for the unforeseeable future.
If you don’t have a dedicated home office, you’ll want to figure something out ASAP. Having the right space at home will help you focus on the tasks at hand. It will also automatically set boundaries with family.
Do you have a spare room you can use? Is there an area in your finished basement that could work? If not, clear off the dining table and set up there.
You may want to treat the next 2-3 weeks as a sort of family vacation, but it’s best if you and the kids stick to your regular routines. That means getting up and going to bed at the same time, showering, getting dressed and having breakfast as you normally would. Straying from routine will demotivate you to complete the work that needs to get done.
While it’s important to keep to your routines, that doesn’t mean you can’t take advantage of having more time on your hands. Instead of spending an hour plus on a commute each day, you could use that time to catch up on home projects that have been on your to-do list for a while. You can also use the added time to reconnect with your family.
Kids need structure, so give them some each day. This could mean giving them three options of how they will spend the afternoon: playing with Legos in the living room, watching a movie or quiet reading in their bedrooms. Be sure to take a break from work every couple of hours to check in with your kids to answer any questions they may have. Lord knows they ALWAYS have some!
On those days when you have to conduct many meetings and get much done, consider reaching out to family and friends to arrange virtual playdates with the kids. Thanks to Skype and FaceTime, your virtual babysitters can read, play games and interact with your kids online while you get some important work done.
If you find you are getting a bit squirrelly, even after following these tips, you can always reach out to a mental healthcare provider who can give you some more ideas of how to manage the stress.
If you’d like to speak to someone, please reach out to me. At this time, I am able to conduct sessions via phone or Skype, so you don’t even have to leave your home if your state is on lockdown.
SOURCES:
If you’re like most people, you are doing your best to stay calm during COVID-19 pandemic. But that can feel incredibly difficult at times. When not worrying about friends and loved one’s health, there’s also the conflicting information provided by the media and the economic ramifications of the virus that have people on edge. Signs […]
If you’re like most people, you are doing your best to stay calm during COVID-19 pandemic. But that can feel incredibly difficult at times. When not worrying about friends and loved one’s health, there’s also the conflicting information provided by the media and the economic ramifications of the virus that have people on edge.
Everyone reacts differently to stressful situations, but most will exhibit some of the following signs:
If you are experiencing significant stress right now, here are some ways you can cope:
Hearing the media constantly spread panic isn’t good for anyone. It’s important to stay rational and do your own research to uncover facts from fiction as well as stay positive.
Be sure to get outside for some fresh air and go for a walk. Eat right and make sure to stay hydrated and get plenty of sleep. Avoid consuming too much alcohol and try and find fun ways to reconnect with your family.
If you have kids, look to them for some good old-fashioned playtime. Play hide and seek in the house. Create an obstacle course in the back yard. Watch some of your favorite funny movies. Laughter really is the best medicine so get plenty of it!
Many local businesses are hurting right now. If you’re still getting a paycheck, consider buying a gift card from a local restaurant, gym, hair salon, etc. to give them revenue now and you can use the card later. This will make you feel great at the same time.
Remember, your kids will ALWAYS look to you first to see how they should be thinking and feeling about something. So move about each day calmly and confidently and reassure your kids everything will be okay because it will be.
For many of us, there is a silver lining in this situation in the form of extra time. What can you do with the extra time that isn’t being used to drive an hour or more each day in commuting? Focus on using this time wisely. Maybe you have an ever-growing list of home projects that you just never have time to tackle. Tackle them now, you’ll feel great about it later.
If you find yourself becoming too stressed or depressed during this time, I encourage you to connect with me. Speaking with a therapist can help you cope with the situation and navigate the days ahead. I am currently able to conduct sessions over the phone or via Skype, so you won’t even have to leave your home if your state is in lockdown.
SOURCES:
https://www.ucihealth.org/news/2020/03/covid-19-anxiety
https://www.health.state.mn.us/communities/ep/behavioral/stress_covid19.pdf
What does it mean to have a healthy self-esteem? Some people think it means you are okay with how you look. Other people think you must accomplish something big in your life to have a good self-esteem. But the reality is, having a healthy self-esteem means you like and appreciate yourself faults and all. A […]
What does it mean to have a healthy self-esteem?
Some people think it means you are okay with how you look. Other people think you must accomplish something big in your life to have a good self-esteem.
But the reality is, having a healthy self-esteem means you like and appreciate yourself faults and all. A good self-esteem can be the difference between being a happy, resilient individual, able to face life’s challenges head on, and someone who suffers from depression and anxiety and is often overwhelmed with life.
If you have struggled in the past with self-esteem issues, there are some things you can do to give it a much-needed boost:
Are you someone that generalizes your lack of self-esteem? By that I mean, do you make generalities about yourself such as, “I’m an idiot,” “I’m not pretty enough or smart enough?” The truth is, we all act like idiots from time-to-time, and most human beings on this planet can find someone who is smarter and more attractive than they are.
If you’re going to work on your self-esteem, you need to first recognize that you often lie to yourself with these generalities. It may be a very convincing lie from your point of view, but it’s still a lie.
To become familiar with reality, make a list of 10 of your strengths and 10 weaknesses. If you have a hard time coming up with your strengths, think about what others have said about you: you’re a good listener, you are thoughtful, you cook a mean burger.
When you’re done making this list, you’ll see there are plenty of things you are really good at. And, some of the weaknesses may be things you can absolutely change over time and with some effort.
Perfection doesn’t exist. Now you may think all of those Hollywood A-listers that are on the cover of magazines are the epitome of perfection, but even they are air-brushed, photoshopped and have a team of people following them around so their hair is never out of place.
Stop spending your energy trying to have the perfect face, body, bank account, career, children or relationships. None of that exists. Focus your energy on achieving attainable goals like obtaining your degree and enjoying hobbies.
We spend so much of our lives comparing ourselves to others that we don’t really take the time to get to know ourselves. Beyond strengths and weaknesses, who are you as a person? What makes you happy or excites you? What hobbies do you enjoy? What kind of brother or sister are you?
The more you know about yourself, the more chances that you’ll find things out you really like.
If you would like to speak to someone about your self-esteem issues, please be in touch with me. I’d be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
What does it mean to have a healthy self-esteem? Some people think it means you are okay with how you look. Other people think you must accomplish something big in your life to have a good self-esteem. But the reality is, having a healthy self-esteem means you like and appreciate yourself faults and all. A […]
What does it mean to have a healthy self-esteem?
Some people think it means you are okay with how you look. Other people think you must accomplish something big in your life to have a good self-esteem.
But the reality is, having a healthy self-esteem means you like and appreciate yourself faults and all. A good self-esteem can be the difference between being a happy, resilient individual, able to face life’s challenges head on, and someone who suffers from depression and anxiety and is often overwhelmed with life.
If you have struggled in the past with self-esteem issues, there are some things you can do to give it a much-needed boost:
Are you someone that generalizes your lack of self-esteem? By that I mean, do you make generalities about yourself such as, “I’m an idiot,” “I’m not pretty enough or smart enough?” The truth is, we all act like idiots from time-to-time, and most human beings on this planet can find someone who is smarter and more attractive than they are.
If you’re going to work on your self-esteem, you need to first recognize that you often lie to yourself with these generalities. It may be a very convincing lie from your point of view, but it’s still a lie.
To become familiar with reality, make a list of 10 of your strengths and 10 weaknesses. If you have a hard time coming up with your strengths, think about what others have said about you: you’re a good listener, you are thoughtful, you cook a mean burger.
When you’re done making this list, you’ll see there are plenty of things you are really good at. And, some of the weaknesses may be things you can absolutely change over time and with some effort.
Perfection doesn’t exist. Now you may think all of those Hollywood A-listers that are on the cover of magazines are the epitome of perfection, but even they are air-brushed, photoshopped and have a team of people following them around so their hair is never out of place.
Stop spending your energy trying to have the perfect face, body, bank account, career, children or relationships. None of that exists. Focus your energy on achieving attainable goals like obtaining your degree and enjoying hobbies.
We spend so much of our lives comparing ourselves to others that we don’t really take the time to get to know ourselves. Beyond strengths and weaknesses, who are you as a person? What makes you happy or excites you? What hobbies do you enjoy? What kind of brother or sister are you?
The more you know about yourself, the more chances that you’ll find things out you really like.
If you would like to speak to someone about your self-esteem issues, please be in touch with me. I’d be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
A lot of discussion is given to childhood attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). But this behavioral issue greatly affects adults as well. While the exact cause of adult ADHD isn’t yet understood, recent research seems to indicate that genes and heredity, the foods we eat, and our environment play key roles. Symptoms of Adult ADHD […]
A lot of discussion is given to childhood attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). But this behavioral issue greatly affects adults as well. While the exact cause of adult ADHD isn’t yet understood, recent research seems to indicate that genes and heredity, the foods we eat, and our environment play key roles.
Many adults who are eventually diagnosed with ADHD have always “sensed” that something was off, but they were too embarrassed or ashamed to seek help. Others still never paid attention to the many signs:
Beyond assessing this list of symptoms, adults may also take the Conners Test. This test is considered the gold standard and superior to neuropsychiatric testing by many. The diagnosis of ADHD is a clinical one and does not generally require neuropsychiatric testing (unless you wish to have a child evaluated for learning disabilities).
You may find out more about the Conners test here.
It’s also important to mention that there are other disorders and conditions that exhibit similar symptoms to ADHD:
While you can try and diagnose yourself, your best course of action is to find a trained therapist who can take a detailed history and determine if your symptoms are truly from ADHD or something else. Should you be diagnosed with adult ADHD, you will want to work with your therapist to come up with the right treatment plan.
Your plan may include a combination of therapeutic strategies such as medication, nutrition, behavioral therapy, exercise and joining a support group. Finding the right treatment plan for you will take a bit of research, planning and testing. But once you find your individual strategies, you will be able to manage your ADHD symptoms and live a happy and productive life.
If you are interested in getting diagnosed and exploring treatment options, please be in touch. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
Have you been feeling a bit low lately, but you can’t quite put your finger on why? It may have something to do with your social media habits. According to a recent study, social media use can increase depression and loneliness. For years people have suspected that social media use might have an ability to […]
Have you been feeling a bit low lately, but you can’t quite put your finger on why? It may have something to do with your social media habits. According to a recent study, social media use can increase depression and loneliness.
For years people have suspected that social media use might have an ability to negatively impact our mental well-being. After all, it’s hard not to feel inadequate or jealous when looking at photos of people whose lives seem so much more perfect than ours. But now research is actually making a definitive link between spending time on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter and a sense of loneliness and isolation.
I encourage my clients to take a social media detox every now and then to gain a more positive sense of reality. They often report back to me that the detox offered some amazing and unexpected benefits such as:
When you take a break from comparing yourself to other people, you can start to look at how great you and your own life really are.
When you spend less time trying to get that social approval in the form of ‘likes’, ‘retweets’, and ‘upvotes’, you suddenly find you have a lot of time on your hands for other things.
Trading in online friendships for real face-to-face ones makes us feel more grounded and connected to people. This can drastically improve our mood and sense of well-being.
Many people are on their mobile phone in bed, checking their social media accounts. The blue light from these devices disrupts our sleep pattern. When we put these devices away, we inevitably sleep better.
I am a big proponent of daily mindfulness. By being present in our lives, we feel an increased sense of peace and joy. That’s priceless.
So how do you perform a social media detox?
Follow these 4 steps:
If you follow these steps and take a break from social media, chances are you will find you feel a whole lot better!