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The current global pandemic has caused most people in this country to have to shelter in place for many months. This has caused a lot of stress and strain for families and couples. And, often acute or sudden stress can bring underlying relationship issues to the surface. But, since many states are still in lockdown […]
The current global pandemic has caused most people in this country to have to shelter in place for many months. This has caused a lot of stress and strain for families and couples. And, often acute or sudden stress can bring underlying relationship issues to the surface.
But, since many states are still in lockdown mode and residents are still practicing social distancing, how can couples facing these issues get the help they need? Through online therapy.
Online couples therapy offers the same benefits as face-to-face therapy, with the added convenience and privacy of getting the help and support you need at home. Usually, sessions are held via video chat and with the couple in the same location. However, online couples therapy can be particularly beneficial for those couples who are dealing with the stress of living apart because of long-term hospitalization or military deployment.
Besides the lockdown or being apart from your spouse, what are some other reasons couples may choose to try online therapy as opposed to face-to-face therapy?
Online therapy follows a similar model to traditional therapy and in most cases, therapists do nearly everything online that they do in person. The only real difference is that it may take a little bit longer to get comfortable with each other, as human beings tend to connect more when they are in each other’s physical space. But once the connection has been made and everyone feels comfortable, there is no real difference in how sessions are conducted.
While online couples therapy can be very effective and beneficial to a majority of couples, there are those situations when it would not be suitable. For instance, in the case of domestic violence. Couples therapy, whether online or over the internet, treats both partners as equal in the relationships and aims to save the marriage. But when there are abuse and violence, the partners are not equal (ie, partners are not contributing equally to the problems) and the goal should not be to keep a victim in a dangerous relationship.
Some other instances where online therapy may not be suitable:
Again, for a majority of couples, online therapy can be very beneficial and even preferred. If you’d like to explore treatment options and do so online, please reach out to me. I’d be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
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The economy in this country has been on a downward trajectory for decades now. As inflation has risen and the dollar has lost more of its value and buying power over the years, more households have required both adults to bring in an income. This, of course, means there are very few households that can […]
The economy in this country has been on a downward trajectory for decades now. As inflation has risen and the dollar has lost more of its value and buying power over the years, more households have required both adults to bring in an income. This, of course, means there are very few households that can afford to have a sole breadwinner any longer.
Traditionally, the man has been the breadwinner in the family. While this topic can get a bit heated at times, depending on the circles in which it’s discussed, the truth is that in human history, men have been responsible for protecting and providing for the family while women have been responsible for raising the children and managing the home. It has always been a part of our nature until very, very recently. You could say these roles are even natural to the human species at this point because these are the roles men and women have played for hundreds of thousands of years of our development.
So, when in the last few decades the economy has begun to tank and there has been a great push for women to join the workforce, we can now find many households where the man is NOT the sole breadwinner. In fact, according to data from the Pew Research Center, women now make up roughly 47% of the workforce in this country, which is up from 30% in 1950. And a growing number of women in heterosexual couples (31%) are the main (or only) breadwinners in their families (Geiger & Parker, 2018).
This change has left a lot of men struggling with their identity and role in society and the family unit. These feelings of insignificance, if not attended to, can lead to anxiety and depression.
What’s worse is that men are often told that these traditional roles are a part of the old patriarchal paradigm, a system that was created to oppress women for centuries. They are told that they should be celebrating the shift and if they don’t, then they are part of the problem.
That’s hardly fair to the vast majority of men, who are good and loving people who only want to support and take care of the family they love in the best way, and often the only way, they know how: by providing for them.
If you are a man that is suffering from depression or anxiety because you are not the sole breadwinner of your family, and maybe also not the one who earns the most, understand that it is normal, natural, and perfectly okay for you to be struggling right now.
It is also 100% okay for you to want to speak to someone about what’s going on. Men tend to not be the ones who seek therapy although they are often the ones who are hurting the most.
Please understand that it’s okay for you to need to reach out to others from time-to-time to get help for whatever issues and emotions you may be struggling with. In my practice, no one is judged. I offer a safe environment for men to work through whatever may be bothering you.
If you would like to explore treatment options, please get in touch with me. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
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Relationships can only be healthy when both people have the space to be themselves and maintain their personal integrity. Sadly, many people find themselves in relationships, romantic and otherwise, with people who do not respect boundaries and feel entitled to have their needs met regardless of the other person’s. These people most likely grew up […]
Relationships can only be healthy when both people have the space to be themselves and maintain their personal integrity. Sadly, many people find themselves in relationships, romantic and otherwise, with people who do not respect boundaries and feel entitled to have their needs met regardless of the other person’s. These people most likely grew up in households that were unsafe and unstable, and where there was a constant invasion of personal boundaries.
If you can relate, chances are you have a hard time creating healthy boundaries to create the life experience you wish to have. Here are some ways you can begin to do so:
You can’t set boundaries unless you discover where it is you personally stand. You’ll need to take a bit of time to recognize what you can and cannot tolerate. What makes you happy and what makes you feel uncomfortable and stressed? Only until you have made these discoveries can you move on to the next steps.
People who have similar communication styles are easy to engage with. These people will quickly understand what your new barriers are. But people who have a different cultural background or personality may not easily understand your boundaries. With these people, it’s important to be very clear and direct.
People who have a hard time setting boundaries don’t often allow themselves to acknowledge their own feelings because they’re usually too busy worrying about everyone else’s.
You’ll need to start recognizing how people make you feel in order to know whether your new boundaries are being crossed or not. When you’re with someone, make mental notes, or even jot down in a journal how that interaction made you feel.
If, after spending time with someone, you feel anger or resentment, this is a sign that the person may be overstepping your boundaries. Reiterate to this person what your boundaries are. If they continue to disrespect you and them, you will want to cut yourself away from further interactions.
Put yourself and your needs first. This may feel strange and even somehow wrong if you’ve spent your entire life taking care of others. Give yourself permission to feel your feelings and get what you need to feel happy and well.
If you’ve spent an entire life with a sense of low self-worth, you may find setting boundaries quite difficult. In this case, it’s important to speak with a therapist that can help you discover where these feelings are coming from and how to change your thought patterns and behavior.
If you’d like to explore therapy, please get in touch with me. I would be happy to help you on your journey toward self-care.
If you’re reading this blog post, chances are you and your significant other have hit a snag in the relationship. Maybe you’re spending less time with each other and you’ve grown apart. Or maybe you do little else than argue these days. All relationships go through their ups and downs. No matter the good intentions […]
If you’re reading this blog post, chances are you and your significant other have hit a snag in the relationship. Maybe you’re spending less time with each other and you’ve grown apart. Or maybe you do little else than argue these days.
All relationships go through their ups and downs. No matter the good intentions of the individuals or how in love you were when the relationship began, it is completely natural for a relationship to take a hit every now and then.
In some ways, these trials can be a good thing. Much like you need to break down muscle to build it up stronger than it was before, many relationships can be strengthened by challenges, provided your communication is healthy.
Here are some ways to improve communication in your relationship:
It’s important to be open and honest with yourself and each other. Don’t deny that something has changed in your relationship, admit it openly. You may also need to recognize that each of you has changed over the years. None of us stays the same. Our wants, needs, passions, annoyances, etc. change as we mature and grow as people. People can usually accommodate this change as long as they admit it has happened.
There are two words that are very powerful in communication, “Yes, and…” Effective communication is not about one person being right and the other wrong. Often, both people are right and allowed to feel their feelings. Try not to attack the other person or get them to compromise on issues. Instead, focus on simply being heard and hearing the other person.
If you want to improve your communication as a means to get the other person to change their ways, you are really thinking about this communication thing all wrong! Good communication is not about winning an argument. This is not a debate class. Your goal is to better share your thoughts, feelings, ideas, hopes and struggles with each other. Don’t be so focused on getting the other person to change and focus more on how your own behavior could change.
Managing your emotions is one of the most important skills when it comes to interpersonal interaction. How often are you ready to blow when you and your spouse or partner are speaking to each other? How does the communication breakdown once you or your partner have become emotional?
When communicating with your partner, or anyone, should you feel your emotions rise, stop, take a slow, deep breath, and let it out. Taking this moment is important and will help you not to say something you’ll regret or that will escalate the situation.
None of us are perfect. All we can do is try to be the best versions of ourselves we can be for ourselves and our loved ones. By following these communication tips you will be able to strengthen your relationships.