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Relationships can only be healthy when both people have the space to be themselves and maintain their personal integrity. Sadly, many people find themselves in relationships, romantic and otherwise, with people who do not respect boundaries and feel entitled to have their needs met regardless of the other person’s. These people most likely grew up […]
Relationships can only be healthy when both people have the space to be themselves and maintain their personal integrity. Sadly, many people find themselves in relationships, romantic and otherwise, with people who do not respect boundaries and feel entitled to have their needs met regardless of the other person’s. These people most likely grew up in households that were unsafe and unstable, and where there was a constant invasion of personal boundaries.
If you can relate, chances are you have a hard time creating healthy boundaries to create the life experience you wish to have. Here are some ways you can begin to do so:
You can’t set boundaries unless you discover where it is you personally stand. You’ll need to take a bit of time to recognize what you can and cannot tolerate. What makes you happy and what makes you feel uncomfortable and stressed? Only until you have made these discoveries can you move on to the next steps.
People who have similar communication styles are easy to engage with. These people will quickly understand what your new barriers are. But people who have a different cultural background or personality may not easily understand your boundaries. With these people, it’s important to be very clear and direct.
People who have a hard time setting boundaries don’t often allow themselves to acknowledge their own feelings because they’re usually too busy worrying about everyone else’s.
You’ll need to start recognizing how people make you feel in order to know whether your new boundaries are being crossed or not. When you’re with someone, make mental notes, or even jot down in a journal how that interaction made you feel.
If, after spending time with someone, you feel anger or resentment, this is a sign that the person may be overstepping your boundaries. Reiterate to this person what your boundaries are. If they continue to disrespect you and them, you will want to cut yourself away from further interactions.
Put yourself and your needs first. This may feel strange and even somehow wrong if you’ve spent your entire life taking care of others. Give yourself permission to feel your feelings and get what you need to feel happy and well.
If you’ve spent an entire life with a sense of low self-worth, you may find setting boundaries quite difficult. In this case, it’s important to speak with a therapist that can help you discover where these feelings are coming from and how to change your thought patterns and behavior.
If you’d like to explore therapy, please get in touch with me. I would be happy to help you on your journey toward self-care.
According to the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention, over 47,000 people died by suicide in the United States in 2017. In the same year, there were an estimated 1,400,000 suicide attempts. Knowing the signs of suicide is the primary step in preventing someone you know and love from successfully taking their own life. The Warning […]
According to the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention, over 47,000 people died by suicide in the United States in 2017. In the same year, there were an estimated 1,400,000 suicide attempts.
Knowing the signs of suicide is the primary step in preventing someone you know and love from successfully taking their own life.
Many individuals who are contemplating ending their own life experience and express feelings of hopelessness.
Suicidal people may also experience and express excessive anger and rage and talk about seeking some kind of revenge.
People who are thinking about ending their own life start showing signs of risky behavior. Since their lives are not valuable in their own eyes, they may engage in certain behaviors, not caring about the consequences. This can be drinking and driving, experimenting with hard drug use, and spending time in unsafe parts of town.
Have you noticed your loved one withdrawing from friends and family and isolating themselves more?
Suicidal individuals often experience great anxiety that causes them to suffer from insomnia. Has your loved one been complaining of not sleeping? Are they taking medication for sleep issues?
The above are warning signs that your loved one may be experiencing a deep depression that needs attention.
Your loved one has actually verbalized a desire to harm themselves or kill themselves.
You have somehow come to know that your loved one is actively planning their suicide by stocking pills or getting their hands on a weapon.
Many suicidal people, especially teenagers, begin talking or writing more and more about death or suicide in a positive light.
Talking to someone you love about suicide can feel uncomfortable. You may be worried that by merely talking about it, you will somehow inspire the act. This just isn’t so.
Speaking with a loved one who is suicidal allows them to discuss openly their feelings and desire to end their life. Just opening up to someone who is supportive and non-judgmental can assist them in recognizing their need to get some help from a trained therapist.
For immediate help, please call the toll-free National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), which is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. All calls are confidential.
According to the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention, over 47,000 people died by suicide in the United States in 2017. In the same year, there were an estimated 1,400,000 suicide attempts. Knowing the signs of suicide is the primary step in preventing someone you know and love from successfully taking their own life. The Warning […]
According to the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention, over 47,000 people died by suicide in the United States in 2017. In the same year, there were an estimated 1,400,000 suicide attempts.
Knowing the signs of suicide is the primary step in preventing someone you know and love from successfully taking their own life.
Many individuals who are contemplating ending their own life experience and express feelings of hopelessness.
Suicidal people may also experience and express excessive anger and rage and talk about seeking some kind of revenge.
People who are thinking about ending their own life start showing signs of risky behavior. Since their lives are not valuable in their own eyes, they may engage in certain behaviors, not caring about the consequences. This can be drinking and driving, experimenting with hard drug use, and spending time in unsafe parts of town.
Have you noticed your loved one withdrawing from friends and family and isolating themselves more?
Suicidal individuals often experience great anxiety that causes them to suffer from insomnia. Has your loved one been complaining of not sleeping? Are they taking medication for sleep issues?
The above are warning signs that your loved one may be experiencing a deep depression that needs attention.
Your loved one has actually verbalized a desire to harm themselves or kill themselves.
You have somehow come to know that your loved one is actively planning their suicide by stocking pills or getting their hands on a weapon.
Many suicidal people, especially teenagers, begin talking or writing more and more about death or suicide in a positive light.
Talking to someone you love about suicide can feel uncomfortable. You may be worried that by merely talking about it, you will somehow inspire the act. This just isn’t so.
Speaking with a loved one who is suicidal allows them to discuss openly their feelings and desire to end their life. Just opening up to someone who is supportive and non-judgmental can assist them in recognizing their need to get some help from a trained therapist.
For immediate help, please call the toll-free National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), which is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. All calls are confidential.
According to the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention, over 47,000 people died by suicide in the United States in 2017. In the same year, there were an estimated 1,400,000 suicide attempts. Knowing the signs of suicide is the primary step in preventing someone you know and love from successfully taking their own life. The Warning […]
According to the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention, over 47,000 people died by suicide in the United States in 2017. In the same year, there were an estimated 1,400,000 suicide attempts.
Knowing the signs of suicide is the primary step in preventing someone you know and love from successfully taking their own life.
Many individuals who are contemplating ending their own life experience and express feelings of hopelessness.
Suicidal people may also experience and express excessive anger and rage and talk about seeking some kind of revenge.
People who are thinking about ending their own life start showing signs of risky behavior. Since their lives are not valuable in their own eyes, they may engage in certain behaviors, not caring about the consequences. This can be drinking and driving, experimenting with hard drug use, and spending time in unsafe parts of town.
Have you noticed your loved one withdrawing from friends and family and isolating themselves more?
Suicidal individuals often experience great anxiety that causes them to suffer from insomnia. Has your loved one been complaining of not sleeping? Are they taking medication for sleep issues?
The above are warning signs that your loved one may be experiencing a deep depression that needs attention.
Your loved one has actually verbalized a desire to harm themselves or kill themselves.
You have somehow come to know that your loved one is actively planning their suicide by stocking pills or getting their hands on a weapon.
Many suicidal people, especially teenagers, begin talking or writing more and more about death or suicide in a positive light.
Talking to someone you love about suicide can feel uncomfortable. You may be worried that by merely talking about it, you will somehow inspire the act. This just isn’t so.
Speaking with a loved one who is suicidal allows them to discuss openly their feelings and desire to end their life. Just opening up to someone who is supportive and non-judgmental can assist them in recognizing their need to get some help from a trained therapist.
For immediate help, please call the toll-free National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), which is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. All calls are confidential.
According to the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention, over 47,000 people died by suicide in the United States in 2017. In the same year, there were an estimated 1,400,000 suicide attempts. Knowing the signs of suicide is the primary step in preventing someone you know and love from successfully taking their own life. The Warning […]
According to the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention, over 47,000 people died by suicide in the United States in 2017. In the same year, there were an estimated 1,400,000 suicide attempts.
Knowing the signs of suicide is the primary step in preventing someone you know and love from successfully taking their own life.
Many individuals who are contemplating ending their own life experience and express feelings of hopelessness.
Suicidal people may also experience and express excessive anger and rage and talk about seeking some kind of revenge.
People who are thinking about ending their own life start showing signs of risky behavior. Since their lives are not valuable in their own eyes, they may engage in certain behaviors, not caring about the consequences. This can be drinking and driving, experimenting with hard drug use, and spending time in unsafe parts of town.
Have you noticed your loved one withdrawing from friends and family and isolating themselves more?
Suicidal individuals often experience great anxiety that causes them to suffer from insomnia. Has your loved one been complaining of not sleeping? Are they taking medication for sleep issues?
The above are warning signs that your loved one may be experiencing a deep depression that needs attention.
Your loved one has actually verbalized a desire to harm themselves or kill themselves.
You have somehow come to know that your loved one is actively planning their suicide by stocking pills or getting their hands on a weapon.
Many suicidal people, especially teenagers, begin talking or writing more and more about death or suicide in a positive light.
Talking to someone you love about suicide can feel uncomfortable. You may be worried that by merely talking about it, you will somehow inspire the act. This just isn’t so.
Speaking with a loved one who is suicidal allows them to discuss openly their feelings and desire to end their life. Just opening up to someone who is supportive and non-judgmental can assist them in recognizing their need to get some help from a trained therapist.
For immediate help, please call the toll-free National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), which is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. All calls are confidential.
Most of us from a young age are taught how to be kind, considerate and compassionate toward others. But rarely are we told to show the same consideration to ourselves. This becomes even more true for individuals brought up in abusive or unloving homes. What is Self-Compassion? Self-compassion is taken from Buddhist psychology and refers […]
Most of us from a young age are taught how to be kind, considerate and compassionate toward others. But rarely are we told to show the same consideration to ourselves. This becomes even more true for individuals brought up in abusive or unloving homes.
Self-compassion is taken from Buddhist psychology and refers to how we can relate to the self with kindness. Self-compassion or self-love is NOT to be confused with arrogance or selfishness. In actuality, arrogance and selfishness stem from the absence of self-love.
But what does it really mean to be kind with ourselves? It means that on a day-to-day basis we are mindful of being courteous, supportive and compassionate with ourselves. Too many individuals treat themselves with harsh judgement instead of compassion.
Why is this important? Because self-compassion helps us recognize our unconditional worth and value. It allows us to recognize though we my sometimes make bad decisions, we’re not bad people.
Research, over the past decade, has shown the parallel between self care and psychological wellbeing. Those who recognize self-compassion also tend to have better connections with others, are reportedly happier with their own lives, and have a higher satisfaction with life overall. Self-compassion also correlates with less shame, anxiety and depression.
Now that you know the what and why of self-compassion, let’s look at the how.
Treat Yourself as You Would a Small Child
You would never harshly judge or belittle a small child the way you do yourself. You would only want to help and love that child. When you begin to treat yourself as you would a small child, you begin to show yourself the same love, gentleness and kindness.
Practice Mindfulness
Every minute your mind is handling millions of bits of information, though you consciously are only aware of a few of them. This is to say we all have scripts or programs running in our minds 24/7. These scripts and programs are running our lives, insisting we have certain behaviors and make certain decisions.
Some of these scripts are the ones that tell us how “bad” or “unlovable” we are. They’ve been running since we were kids. The way to quiet these scripts is to become more mindful of your own mind.
When you begin to have a feeling or reaction to something, stop and ask yourself WHO is feeling that? Is it the compassionate self or the program running? If it’s the program, thank the program for what it has done and release it.
Good Will vs Good Feelings
Self-compassion is a conscious act of kindness we show ourselves; it’s not a way to alleviate emotional pain. Life happens, and we can’t always avoid negative or sad feelings. Never mistake self-compassion as a tool to ignore your deep and rich emotional life.
These are just a few ways you can begin to cultivate self-compassion. If you’d like to explore more options or talk to someone about your feelings of self-rejection and judgement, please get in touch with me. I’d be happy to discuss how cognitive therapy may help.